Toasty Oats with Coconut

Toasty Oats with Coconut // Not Without Salt

“I do so much for you guys and THIS is the thanks I get?!”

Ugh, I hated how mom-like I sounded as I heard those words come from my mouth.

I snapped. It happens, more than I’d like to admit. The cause this morning? It was the coconut that pushed me over the edge. You see, I failed to hide the fragrant flakes in their oatmeal well enough so that when the warm bowl of toasted oats landed in front of him I expected praise but what I got was: “Is there coconut in here?” In a tone that was layered with sheer disgust.

The day before the coconut incident I accepted their challenge: Make a flavorful bowl of oatmeal. They’ve grown tired of the microwaved version their dad very sweetly makes for them every morning. I’m always up for a food-related challenge especially one where it involves a few simple ingredients where flavor can be coaxed out of if you have a few tricks up your sleeves.

My first trick often has to do with butter. In a large wide pot I browned a good bit of butter. This step alone filled the house with a sweet nuttiness that somehow softened the harried feel that so often accompanies weekday mornings. To that I added oats, stirring to cover them in the scented butter. Soon the oats matched the copper color of the browned butter and rivaled its nutty scent with one of its own. I threw in a handful of coconut and toasted them along with the oats.

Next I poured thick maple syrup in along with a bit of vanilla and salt. The oats cooked until the syrup stuck to it like a slick jacket. When the bottom of the pot was dry I added whole milk, a little at a time initially then as the oats thirsted for more I added another glug. I was hoping that this process would give the oats a risotto-like creaminess. Once the oatmeal resembled a creamy porridge; thick but not stand-a-spoon-up-in-the-bowl-thick, I spooned it into three bowls, splashed a bit of cold cream in and topped their portions with a few frozen strawberries where ice cubes usually go. If your children aren’t opposed to golden raisins in the same passionate way that mine are I’d recommend adding those here too.

I served up the oatmeal in the same way they present me with a perfect spelling test; beaming with pride and eager for accolades.

“Is there coconut in here?”

My heart sank.

I wanted oohs and ahhs. I wanted to be praised and crowned the oatmeal champion.

But that’s now how parenting works. That’s not how love works.

Toasty Oats with Coconut // Not Without Salt Toasty Oats with Coconut // Not Without Salt

I have so much emotion wrapped up in the food I make. Each meal is like a love letter to them, wait, that’s not quite true – the occasional box of macaroni and cheese tells them their mom isn’t perfect and sometimes needs a break. But when my love in the form of a full plate of carefully prepared food is picked apart and eaten with a face that looks tortured and pained my desire to feed is threatened.

That was my first thought the morning of the flavorful oatmeal. “Why do I even bother? They never appreciate it.” My next thought reminded me that I don’t feed my family for their appreciation. As much as I adore the praise I get from diners who love the food I make, I can not feed people for the praise. That’s not how love works.

Love isn’t doing something because of the response it will receive. Love expects nothing in return. Love does. Day in and day out.

Now this isn’t to say that we aren’t teaching our children to appreciate things. I want to raise these three little people to see the simple things in our days as gifts rather than give ins. I do want them to appreciate all that their dad and I do for them and we expect a thank you from them in the same way we offer them thank yous.

But I also want them to feel abundant, unconditional love from me. I want them to be fed well and freely without expectation from me. I want to love well even when my ego is bruised and they hit upon my vulnerabilities.

They give so much back to me. And many times they really do appreciate the food I feed them. I have three of the sweetest children in the world but even if I never heard a thank you I want them to know that I would still love them completely. Day in and day out.



Toasty Oats with Coconut

Serves 4


The idea for toasting the oats comes from the brilliant mind of my dear friend, Megan Gordon. She wrote the book, Whole Grain Mornings, where I first read about this idea. It adds so much interest and flavor to what can often be boring – oatmeal. The secret to flavorful oatmeal lies in the toasting of the oats.


4 tablespoons butter

2 cups oats

1/3 cup coconut flakes

1/4 cup maple syrup, plus a little more for drizzling over top if you’d like

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1/8 teaspoon kosher salt

2 -2 1/2 cups whole milk


In a in a large saucepan or dutch oven brown the butter over medium high heat. You’ll know the butter is browned when is smells nutty and the milk solids sink to the bottom and start to turn golden in color.

Add the oats. Stir constantly until they start to toast and deepen in color, about 4 to 6 minutes. Add the coconut flakes and cook 1 minute more.

Stir in the maple syrup, vanilla and salt. Coat the oats in the syrup and cook until the bottom of the pan looks dry, about 2 minutes.

Slowly drizzle in the milk at first, while stirring the oats constantly. Add more milk as the oats absorb the liquid. After you’ve done this with the first cup or so of milk stir in the rest. For thicker oats use 2 cups for creamier, loose oatmeal add all of the milk.

Serve while warm.

You can serve the toasty oats with a splash of cream, raisins, more maple syrup, muscavado sugar, dark brown sugar, dried cherries – whatever you’d like. We keep it pretty simple here.

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Caramelized Fennel and Farro Salad

It’s a bit unconventional but I want to get out of the way a few housekeeping matters before we jump into today’s post.

First of all I’ve updated the book page with a few new events, including a fun dinner/class in March (3/8) at the studio of Sunday Suppers in NYC.

Also, I’m excited and a bit flustered to report that the first printing of the book has all been spoken for and it seems that it is harder and harder to get a copy (we actually have a few signed copies left in our shop). I’m sorry for the inconvenience. The second print-run is on its way. In fact, my books are sitting on a boat off the coast of LA. Let’s hope the labor disputes find a happy resolution and we can get back to having the books in stock. In the meantime, thank you so much for sharing images, words and recipes from the book. It makes me beyond happy to see the words, stories and food from three years of hard work out in the world and doing exactly what I hoped it would; inspiring. Thank you.

Okay. Done with that.


Caramelized Fennel and Farro Salad // Not Without Salt

We’ve been away from our home more than usual. Attending parties, dinners and book signings all the while sharing our heart for the book and eager to talk to people about why I wrote it and the result of creating the pages you read in Date Night In. Every bit of it has been encouraging and beautiful (well, except for my crazy insecurities and fears throughout it all) and I thank you for the continued support through conversations, emails, texts, and messages scattered throughout the Internet.

While it all has been wonderful and I am thrilled with the response from the book I have missed the kitchen and really, I have missed feeding you all. What it always comes back to for me is the table and putting something on the table that inspires, that satisfies and starts a conversation.

To be honest, I am a bit tired of trying to sell you stuff; the book, the cookies and quite frankly, me. As proud as I am about all of those things I have missed simply coming here and offering you a recipe that I’ve come to love. A recipe that I made and felt it worthy of living in these pages. I am so eager to feed again.

Caramelized Fennel and Farro Salad // Not Without Salt

I’m not going to stop talking about the book, however. Or more accurately, I am not going to stop talking about dating my husband, because at the heart of it all, why I want to shout at the top of my lungs standing at the peak of the highest mountain about it is because in it lives a message that I want people to hear. One of love, intention, commitment, and fried chicken.

But right now, let’s sit at the table and eat this salad. It’s the sort of meal that balances those eaten away from home. It’s hearty yet light. Sweet but also savory. A touch spicy, a bit tart, crunchy and chewy, bright and deep. It is comfortable and unfussy. Perfect for easing back into a routine. For settling back to the table. Pull up a chair, it is my joy to feed you.

Caramelized Fennel and Farro Salad // Not Without Salt

Caramelized Fennel and Farro Salad

Serves 4


1 cup farro

2 cups water

pinch salt

1/4 cup olive oil, divided

1 fennel bulb, roughly chopped

1 tablespoon sugar

1 tablespoon harissa (more to taste)

juice and zest from 1 small lemon (more or less to tase)

1/4 cup pistachios lightly toasted

5 dates, pitted and roughly chopped

1/4 cup packed mint leaves, roughly chopped

1/4 cup crumbled feta

salt, to taste


Cook the farro until just tender but still has a bit of bite.

Drain and cool.


In a large skillet add 2 tablespoons olive oil, the fennel and sprinkle in the sugar.

Cook until the fennel is tender and deeply caramelized; copper in color, about 5 to 7 minutes over medium high heat.

In a large bowl add the farro, caramelized fennel, remaining 2 tablespoons olive oil, harissa and lemon zest and juice. Stir to combine.

Toss the farro with the remaining ingredients. Taste and adjust seasonings to your liking.


If you are making this in advance, reserve the mint leaves until just ready to serve as they tend to turn black when cut.

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