Nutmeg pot de creme

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In so many ways I’m like a child. The very things that cause me to raise my voice or think less-than-pleasant thoughts toward them, I myself do. Sleeping in past 7:00 am, using a fork, sitting still for longer than thirty seconds, managing to keep a straight face while saying the word “underwear” – these things I can handle, but that’s how we differ. Throwing fits with legs pounding and arms flailing and having to re-learn the same lessons again and again? In these matters I’m pretty much a toddler.

Okay, so maybe my fits are a bit more mature but repeating the same mistakes and having to remind myself of previous lesson learned, in that there is no exaggeration. Currently I am re-learning the freedom in acceptance. In particular with accepting who I am and who I am not.

The longer I live the more I realize I have tendencies towards control and perfectionism. My perfectionist’s personality manifests itself in ways that are not at all closely related to keeping a perfectly manicured house (or fingernails for that matter). I tend to expect a lot of myself and seem to think that I can do it all. Apparently I am on the quest to earn my superhero cape. In my mind this caped woman does it all with grace and ease. She fights stains without creating pink socks, she cooks a well-planned meal and serves it on matching dishes, she serves all day then asks, “what’s next?” before she sits down, she doesn’t raise her voice to her children (as I JUST did) she is fulfilled and fulfills with joy. She doesn’t exist. Or maybe she does exist, but that’s not me.

There was a recent spell where I fought against who it was that I was created to be. I pushed through my days with some expectations put on myself, then was frustrated when the day ended and I was left feeling dissatisfied. It went on like this for weeks until arriving at a place of darkness and deep sadness.

After much thought and some changes I felt myself returning. It was then that I made the switch to choose acceptance. When a tinge of guilt enters into the thought process I simply redirect it and say, “this is who I am and this is who I am to be.” No longer is there a place to feel guilty for the things I am not, instead the reflection is on appreciating who it is that I am.

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Now it is to be said that in any relationship be it friendship, marriage or parenting, there are sacrifices that must be made. That is, after all a real reflection of true love – one can not either be loved or love without the presence of sacrifice. But there comes a point when the sacrifice becomes too great and those relationships suffer as a result.

My family isn’t asking for me to sacrifice as much as I ask it of myself. In fact, they’ve already given me my cape and love me regardless of the pink socks and mismatched dishes. They love me for who I am and now it’s my turn to do the same.

While other things were more pressing than for me to turn to the stove I did it anyway. It may have been this or perhaps it was that, either way my mind was on nutmeg and I could not shake that thought.

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In the process of simmering cream with vanilla beans so plump it’s as if at any moment they were going to burst spraying fragrant seeds and nutmeg that reeks of fallen leaves and cold evenings, I thought to appreciate the uncommon joy I feel during such a simple action. When the yolk released the white and landed in the bowl revealing it’s nearly neon color I paused to admire its tone as if I had never seen such a thing before – I have, many times. When finally dipping the spoon into a cool cream so impossibly smooth it caused a pleased grin to cover my face I re-learned that the delight in this process is part of who I am. A part I really enjoy.

The clothes still need folding and the toys must get picked up (at some point) but the fight is against the guilt that plagues when the call of perfection rings. Setting that guilt aside makes room for more joy, more life, more love, and more pot de creme. In this there is no guilt just delight.

One thing I know for sure, I will have to re-learn this at some point, and most likely at another point beyond that. I hope that each time the lesson becomes more poignant and that it is in the presence of Nutmeg Pot de Creme.

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Nutmeg Pot de Creme

This softly spiced custard is reminiscent of egg nog and is destined to become a new holiday tradition. It is lightly sweet, cool and creamy and can easily be transformed into Nutmeg Creme Brulee with the addition of a torched sugar crust. 2 cups heavy cream 1 vanilla bean (or 2 tsp vanilla extract) 1 ½ teaspoon nutmeg, freshly ground 6 yolks ½ cup dark brown sugar ¼ teaspoon salt Pre-heat your oven to 320*F In a medium sauce pan add the cream, vanilla seeds and bean, and the nutmeg. Bring to a simmer then turn off the heat and let sit for 15 minutes. In a medium bowl add the yolks, salt, and sugar. Whisk until lightened and well combined. Bring the cream back up to a simmer. Turn off the heat and slowly add hot cream to the yolk mixture, stirring while pouring. Strain this mixture with a fine mesh sieve to remove vanilla bean and unwanted egg bits. Pour this into four oven-safe ramekins. Place these in a larger baking dish (I use a cake pan). Place this into the pre-heated oven then pour water into the baking dish holding the ramekins. If you don’t want a bit of a skin on top of the pot de creme then place a sheet of foil over the ramekins. I leave the foil off as I prefer the slight textural difference you get when you bake it without a cover. Bake for 30-45 minutes until the center of the custards still jiggle slightly when gently shaken. Start checking at 30 minutes then check every 5 minutes or so, until done. The custards will continue to set once out of the oven. Let cool slightly then place them in the fridge to set - about 2 hours. Just before serving sprinkle with a bit more freshly ground nutmeg. These can also benefit from a sprinkling of sugar and a broiler or torch turning them into Nutmeg Creme Brulee - perfect for the holidays.

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Random Acts of Cookies – revisited

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It’s happened several times since that day I decided to bake my way out of self-pity. Things happen, or they don’t, and suddenly I’m swimming in thoughts of doubt and self-loathing. Such a completely unnecessary and useless place to be. Rather than take residence in that spot I reach for the butter. The process is for me – the creaming of sugars, stirring in of eggs and flour, and the folding in of chocolate – but the cookies are not.

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Somewhere in that process of taking raw ingredients and combining them in a way that after they meet a hot oven they come out smelling sweetly intoxicating, I forget what got me here in the first place and I am content to have created. I am eager to share and better for the smiles that result from that sharing.

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I’ve called it Random Acts of Cookies. I wrote about it before and the response from all of you was so encouraging that I wanted to keep the sweet movement going. And today, along with the help of some very dear friends, I’ve come bringing some tools to entice you to bake with us and share with others.

Sally J Shim of Shim + Sons and her partner Joke Vande Gaer of Tokketok have created stunning gift tags and recipe cards for us. Also, if you head over to their collaborative site, SHIMTOKK you’ll find more fun downloads and ideas on how to package your cookies to give. Pretty great, right?! I couldn’t be more honored and happy to have these ladies a part of our movement.

Crazy big thanks to Sally and Joke for their incredible talents and for their willingness to work with me on this. Also, to you for encouraging me to continue with the movement. Thank you.

Now, let’s bake and share.

 

6252442013_4e34ef2693_bI may have added more chocolate to this batch. I’m okay with it if you are.

Click on the links below to download for yourself. The first is the recipe card and the other are tags you can use to package your cookies. Also, I’d LOVE for you to share your Random Acts of Cookies stories. Join me on Facebook and tell us all!

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Chocolate Chip Toffee Bars

I requested chocolate chip cookies often as a child and often my mom would respond to such a request with perfectly crisp and toffee-like cookies. On occasion she would skip the scoops and dump the dough straight into a pan and opt for bars in place of cookies. I didn't mind one bit. I took this idea and tweaked it slightly - more brown sugar for even more toffee flavor, cream cheese for a subtle tang, and espresso powder to make that chocolate really pop. 1 stick (4 oz) butter, soft ½ cup (4 oz) cream cheese 1/2 cup white sugar (4 oz ) 1 1/2 cup dark brown sugar, packed (12 oz ) 2  eggs 2 tsp vanilla (1/4 oz) 3 1/2 cup All Purpose flour (1 lb. ) 1 1/2 tsp Baking soda 1 tsp kosher salt 1 teaspoon instant espresso powder 12 oz chocolate, chopped or 1 bag chocolate chips (bittersweet, if you can find them). Spray a 10” square cake pan with pan spray. Line the bottom with parchment then spray again. Pre-heat the oven to 350*F Cream the butter, cream cheese, and the sugars until very light and fluffy, about 5-7 minutes on medium high. Scrape down the side of the bowl. Continue mixing while adding the eggs one at time. Make sure each egg is incorporated before adding the next. Add the vanilla. Scrape down the bowl with a spatula. Combine the flour, soda, powder, and salt in another bowl. With a whisk to combine. With the machine on low, slowly add the flour. Mix until just combined, taking care not to over mix. When the flour is just about combined add the chocolate. Turn off the machine and finish mixing by hand to prevent over-mixing. Bake at 350* for 35-40 minutes, until the center is just set and the edges are deep golden. Let cool in the pan.

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