For the first time in my life I’ve kept a journal. I have repeatedly tried and with great excitement I would carefully select a fabric bound notebook with hundreds of blank pages and infinite possibilities. I dreamed of the words that would fill those pages with images of an older me reflecting on the memories and my poignant words that would turn those memories into lessons that shape who I am today. I would painstakingly choose a pen with a black point – not too thick, not too thin – and begin to fill the pages. Closing the book with a sigh eagerly anticipating what the next entry would hold. Returning to the journal I re-read the entry and push aside the book with embarrassment as to what I wrote. This is why I have stacks of journals with hundreds of empty pages and a few torn pages marking where the single entry once lived.

This blog has become my first journal to extend beyond the first page. Truth be told I have done the equivalent of ripping out some of the pages but many have remained despite my deep desire to not ever have to look at my images from the first four or five years.

I imagine you readers don’t view these pages as journal entries as they often don’t go beyond our dinner the night before but I look through them and each entry, each meal, each photo marks a place in time that I can now draw from because I recorded it here. Little pudgey fingers that enter the frame as I’m trying to photograph cookies and eager eyes peering over my set, words that hint at our days and the reality of what life looks like in those moments. There is a part of me that feels selfish for including all of that. The words that are found in many how-to writing books instruct to think of the audience but the truth is many times I’m thinking of myself.

I’m imaging myself scrolling through these pages after years have passed recalling every sense that the images provoke and laughing over the stories scattered throughout the pages. Remembering the times that were hard, appreciating the good and trying so hard to refrain from deleting the entries that no longer meet my standards.

In no way do I dare discredit your part in all of this, dear reader, but when I think of my audience many times it’s my family and me, much older.

During the days leading up to Christmas my husband and I looked through images from the Christmas a year before. And while it seems it was only yesterday the images tell a different story. My baby girl was actually that – a baby. One that lays content on the ground and where her smiles are still so new to us. The boys were both a bit more round containing the last little bits of baby pudge and now they are boys; tall and slender, strong and tender.

The years pass more quickly than I ever thought possible and yet in their pages are hundreds of memories and the evidence that much changes in a year.

So forgive me while I have a moment and read through my journal over the past year. It’s been a great one, hasn’t it?

2011 exceeded my wildest expectations. We started the year off with lofty and well thought out goals. Many achieved, some were tried only to find that a better option was prepared for us, and some I’m still working through.

In the midst of it all we ate well.

There were quick meals and lingering date nights.

Quick Garlicky Noodles

Dating My Husband: Peanut Butter Pie

There were birthdays and cakes. Lots of cake.

Gradient Cake. For her 1st.

Poppy seed cake with mascarpone and strawberries

Lego/Pirate party

And oh the sandwiches.

Ham, gruyere, and arugula

Pork meatball Banh Mi

And then there were opportunities that I never dreamed would become a reality.

I’m on TV, whee!

Shot for BonAppetit.com

I was reintroduced to film.

Of course there was chocolate. There’s always chocolate.

Butterfingers

Cadbury Eggs at home

Chocolate Chip Toffee Bars

And a few incredible trips.

A coffee tour of Portland

Morocco

Thanks for reliving these moments with me. Such a blessed year. So much to be thankful for, so much to learn from and make me stronger.

If at the end of the year you can say you’ve laughed, cried, and became a bit wiser than I consider it a successful one. And if there was chocolate, there must always be chocolate.

Happy Goodbyes to 2011. Hello 2012.

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I can’t stop thinking about the article, The Life Reports II, that I recently read in the NY Times. (Thanks, Kasey for pointing me there). It really has nothing to do with this sandwich but we’ll get there.

In the article the author asked people over the age of 70 to write on the things in their lives they have done poorly and what they’ve done well. Right there, he had me. I hang on the words of those who are lived decades longer than I. I find their perspectives and wisdom to be refreshing and incredibly insightful. Their lessons learned through years of experience save me a lot of wasted time and energy making some of the same mistakes – if I would just listen.

There is one idea brought up in the article that I can’t shake. The paragraph begins with two words, Beware Rumination. David Brooks, the author of the article, says that those who excelled in the area of self-examination tend to lead lives that were often unhappy and not as fulfilling as others. He wisely suggests that their insistence on obsessing over a certain event in their lives only reinforced the very emotions and feelings they were trying to avoid.

In contrast those who were able to strategically deceive themselves lived impressively, according to Brooks. When something bad happened or harsh words were spoken to them they simply forgot it, moved on, assumed the offender was having a bad day, or (and this is what amazes me the most) they were grateful for it. Thankful for the opportunity to grow, learn, and become a better person. Because at this point we all know that what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.

For someone who tends to ruminate as much as a cow I was struck with this idea. It seems so counter intuitive. I’ve spent years analyzing myself and situations I’m in for the purpose of learning from them so I could grow and move on. But what I often do is fail to move on. I realize now that so much of my own introspection only reiterates my own personal fears and puts more validity into my negative emotions.

Having read the article it reminded me of where I’ve seen this in my own life.

When Gabe and I were first married I was much more aware of the little things that I feared where eating away at our marriage. I was constantly nitpicking and trying to change so much of him and of us. Since having children I don’t have time to nitpick, as much. Something happens then I think, “we really need to work on that.” Suddenly a child starts screaming, milk spills everywhere, and a funny stench arises that demands my immediate attention. Thirty seconds later I’ve completely forgotten what I deemed a dire situation that needed to be addressed.

This doesn’t mean that we no longer address issues in our marriage but if I managed to forget about what it was that I thought important after 30 seconds, I think it’s safe to say that it wasn’t so important after all.

So I’m heeding the wisdom of those lives that have lived longer than mine. I’m intentionally trying to train myself not to fanatically self-assess but rather to introduce more self-deception in my life. And more importantly use the time I normally would have used to over analyze myself I can not think more of others and focus on their needs rather than my own. More clearly I will be able to see those around me and love them better than I have before, which ultimately brings me the most happiness.

As a way of thanking you for taking the time to read this I have your dinner plans arranged. You’re probably thinking, “Dinner? I don’t have time to make dinner, now.” Yes, you do. Fifteen minutes and dinner will be ready. And not just any dinner, one that will make your family happy and full. No deception needed there.

Roast Beef Sandwiches with Balsamic glazed Onions and Blue Cheese

makes 4 sandwiches

1 large onion, thinly sliced

2 Tbl butter

1/4 teaspoon salt

2 Tbl balsamic vinegar

8 slices bread

1/2 lb roast beef, sliced

1/4 lb blue cheese (more or less depending on how much you like)

2 Tbl olive oil

Melt the butter in a large saute pan. Add the onion and salt and cook on medium until tender and golden in places, about 10 minutes.

Reduce the heat to medium low and add the balsamic. Continue to cook for another 5 minutes to allow the balsamic to reduce.

Drizzle one side of each bread slice with the olive oil and on the un-oiled side add a few slices of roast beef and a good amount of blue cheese, top with a bit of the onions. Cover with another piece of bread then cook on a grill pan or a hot skillet until golden on each side.

Serve with a simple salad on the side.

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Sometimes you need a segue. Not one of those vertical scooter-like vehicles that automatically prompts a chuckle with visions of Paul Blart or Gob awkwardly motoring along (I apologize if you have not seen Mall Cop or Arrested Development. I also apologize for admitting that I have). A segue that gracefully closes the door on one thing while getting you excited about what is yet to come.

Currently I’m making the transition from Summer to Fall. In the last few weeks I’ve had a lunch of fresh tomatoes with shaved corn, basil and goat cheese while then enjoying a slice of apple pie for dessert. While I’m not complaining about either of these dishes, I’m feeling the pull of wanting to snatch up the last of the Summer’s bounty while yet being nudged into cold weather foods, with thoughts of cold, dark evenings, and *gasp* even the holidays.

With my mind leaning into the cold months eating raw zucchini, and fresh tomatoes feels somewhat uncouth. In an effort to seque to Fall while still saying my long goodbyes to Summer I created a meal that has a hand in either direction.

Bright Summer tomatoes blend with sun-dried tomatoes for added depth and warmth. Fresh herbs brighten while sweet paprika add a subtle smokiness that spurs up images of evenings in front of the fire. A thick hearty tomato paste that softens under the heat of pasta is again brightened with a casually placed pile of fresh arugula. Topped with freshly grated Parmesan and toasted walnuts it’s the perfect segue of the seasons.

Tomato Pesto

If you’d prefer to pass on the pasta slather this pesto on a sandwich instead. Perhaps grilled with a slice of Provolone.

1 medium tomato

½ cup sun-dried tomatoes (if using oil cured reserved 2 T of the oil to add in later)

1 garlic clove

½ cup fresh basil

1 tablespoon fresh tarragon (optional)

½ teaspoon sweet paprika

¼ cup toasted walnut halves

½ cup grated Parmesan

½ teaspoon salt

2 tablespoons olive oil (or reserved oil from the sun-dried tomatoes)

In the bowl of a food processor add the tomatoes and garlic. Blend. Add the remaining ingredients and blend to combine. Tast and adjust seasoning.

Toss this with pasta and top with Parmesan and walnuts. Or simply use as a sandwich spread or a fresh vegetable dip.

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So this is the first week of homeschooling for us. There is still a part of me that can’t believe I just typed that. Never would I have thought homeschooling would feel like the best option for our family. To be perfectly honest, I couldn’t wait until our kids were school age. FINALLY I could get a bit of my old “normal” back. A few hours that were mine.

I didn’t have too lofty of ideas of what I would do with that time, it’s often the mundane solitary tasks that I miss the most. Using the restroom without interruptions perhaps, or taking a leisurely stroll through the market without little hands reaching out of the cart at brightly colored packages. Or maybe I would just sit. Yeah, that sounds nice.

But age five came more quickly than I had anticipated and as the time to really think about the decision for school came it was homeschooling that seemed the most appropriate for him and for us.

We’ve found a great group in which we are surrounded by support, lots of other children, and one in which Baron will get the opportunity to learn from others, rather than just listening (or not listening) to me all day.

We remind ourselves that we are taking it a year at a time. In times of increased anxiety and nervousness, I tell myself it’s a day a time.

As they say, never say never. For here we are. Another year with all three at home and I am thrilled. There will be more noise, more laughter, more wrestling, more glitter, and glue. More tears, more messes, more time, and there will be warm, home-cooked lunches.

On this particular day our timing was perfect as we grabbed a just-out-of-the-oven baguette from a local bakery on our way home. Gabe came up from his garage office and we all gathered around the table to enjoy this hot sandwich slathered with sweet apple butter, topped with smokey ham and aged Gruyere. The broiler melted and caramelized the cheese. I topped mine with arugula, the others didn’t but we all dipped our sandwich in mustard.

This time is sweet and this season is short in the perspective of a lifetime. So right now here we are and with this hot sandwich by my side I’m thinking this is one of the best seasons yet.

The perfect Fall sandwich
Sweet and salty, tangy and fresh this sandwich epitomizes Fall.

⅓ of a baguette, sliced in half
¼ cup apple butter
3 slices each Hillshire honey and smoked ham
2 ounces gruyere
arugula (optional)
2 tablespoons good mustard (our favorite is Maille)

Pre-heat your broiler to high.
Divide the apple butter between the two pieces of baguette. Spread evenly then top with thin slices of ham. Finish with the gruyere then place on a baking sheet under the broiler. Broil for 3-5 minutes, until the cheese is melted, bubbly and golden in places.
Carefully remove from the oven and top with arugula, if using. Serve with mustard.

Love sandwiches as much as I do? Check out the sandwich game going on over at MarthaStewart.com and vote for your favorite.

Disclaimer: Hillshire asked me to create a recipe using their product. I was compensated for this post. The content is original and Rodriguez family approved.

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or apples.

Apparently it hit me. Last week I was urging Summer to stay and for the cool days of Fall to be a distant reality.  Then I started to see Gravensteins pop up along country roads in farm stands that are only attended by a black box with the words, “honor system” painted on the front.

Shortly after that there was pie. The best I’ve made. The warmth of the oven still offensive as the Summer heat lingers.

Then this morning I woke up to a comforting gray sky (as well as a cold which definitely marks the new season) and I finally admitted that I am ready and eager for the changing season.

It could have also been these caramel covered pears and apples that brought me into the Fall mood. The scent of sweet honey bubbling on the stove wafting through the kitchen carrying with it an exotic, floral smell as freshly ground cardamom was tossed in. The kids were eager to get involved in the dipping process and even more eager to help with the eating of our freshly dipped fruit. Such helpful little kidlets.

We did manage to save a few and if you are lucky enough to be in Seattle area you can get your hands on these caramel covered beauties by going to SAVOUR in Ballard. My dear friend, Julie, has started a great program where each week in September a local blogger features a homemade treat that can be purchased at the store. I adore this idea as it is so much fun to provide an opportunity for some of you to actually eat the food you are seeing and reading about.

For those of you who are not in Seattle, I apologize for being a tease. Hopefully, someday we will meet and I will happen to have one of these caramel pears in my purse. Until then I urge you to make these yourself, then open your arms widely and embrace the coming season.

Honey Cardamom Caramel for apples or pears

enough for 8-10 small/medium apples or pears.

Choose apples/pears that are unwaxed as that will help the caramel to adhere.

1 ½ cups heavy cream

1 ½ cups + 1 tablespoon mild honey, such as clover

¾ teaspoon salt, kosher

3 cardamom pods, cracked and seeds ground or ¼ teaspoon ground cardamom

1 cup toasted, roughly ground hazelnuts

You will also need a thermometer and popscicle or lollipop sticks.

Fill your sink or a large bowl with a couple inches of ice water. This will be used to quickly stop the caramel from cooking once it’s reached the desired temperature.

In a large sauce pan (the caramel bubbles up so make sure the pot is much larger than the quantity of the ingredients) heat the cream and salt to a simmer. Once small bubbles appear stir in the honey and ground cardamom. Bring to a boil then reduce heat to a simmer. Stir occasionally to avoid scorching on the sides or bottoms of the pan.

Continue to cook until the temperature reaches 255-260*F. If not cooked enough the caramel will be too soft and run off the fruit. If cooked too long the caramel will be difficult to chew.

*Tips for Success*

After making these several times now I’ve learned a few things that I want to reiterate so you will have success.

- Boil caramel until it reaches 260*. This will produce a firmer caramel that will better adhere to the apples or pears.

- Use firm pears. If they are too ripe the stick will slide right out.

- Wait to dip the fruit until the caramel is nearly cool. It will be quite thick and sticky but it helps to prevent the caramel from sliding right off.

- Use fruit that is not waxed.

- Chill the fruit before dipping. This sets the caramel immediately. You could also dip then refrigerate.

- Let the excess caramel drip off for at least one minute before dipping into the nuts.

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An antique picnic basket has already been put to great use with many more picnics in its future.

A snuggle on the beach. It may not have been the warmest day but there was sun so we headed to the sand and sea.

There has been gin. Lots of lovely gin. This particular cup is a bees knees and it is just that. More on that to come.

Morning muffins in the tent we set up in the yard just because. It’s Summer, the time to do those sorts of things.

Again, lots of lovely gin. This time with tonic and lime.

Barbie – our charcoal burning, smoke infusing, and well-loved friend’s inaugural run provided us with grilled vegetables and pork chops.

Since Summer hit there hasn’t been a day that has gone by when my house is void of Peonies. I’m relishing this season that produces these flowers with their feathery petals and sweet grandma-like perfume. This bunch is paired with a handful of parsley that has gone to seed.

We are just a few days in to Summer and already it’s been just as it should be – relaxed, free of any sort of routine, piles of laundry with clothes dotted with stains from chocolate ice cream, strawberries, and vivid green grass.

What does your Summer look like?

Happy Weekend.

Film Friday is part of a series in which I post a few film shots taken throughout the week. I’ve recently fallen back in love with film. These images were shot with a Canon A1 and a Canon EOS ELAN 7E. All images were shot using Kodak Portra 400.

Check out the other posts in the series.

1.

2.

3.

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Until then I’m stepping in to say a quick hello with a few more shots from my film camera. Would you look at that?! Two weeks in a row!! Does that make it a bonafide series?

These are a few of my favorite eldest son, Baron. He just turned 5.

Gabe took this one as we were leaving on a date. Baron and I enjoyed dinner at Delancey then an evening at the theater watching Mary Poppins soar through the air. Well, I watched her soar through the air while Baron slept in my arms. Next time we will see a matinee.

I’d like for you to take a moment to notice his hair. He would like for you too as well. He did it himself. A mixture of hairspray and water then using the palms of your hands smoosh and pat it forward – that’s Baron’s secret to a perfectly handsome head of hair.

Oh man, do I have a good looking date or what?!

Oh and hey, if you are into this Film Friday thing I’d love for you to share. Post to your blog, send me a link, upload to my the NWS Facebook page (I’m pretty sure that’s possible) or email them to me. Let’s make this a party for all to participate in!

Happy Weekend everyone!

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You can be sure I will give you a full report post party but I wanted to share a few things with you before the big day.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I can. not. believe my baby is 5 and then a mere two weeks later my other baby turns 3. Not to mention the melt down I had when I realized sister baby is 8 months. Can you believe it?!

You may also remember me proclaiming my adoration for navy, mustard (deep golden yellow), and gray. Well yes, they are coming to the party too.

These numbers were made with hundreds of small tissue paper squares that were wrapped around the eraser of a pencil until they looked like a small flower blossom. They were then glued to a cardboard frame.

These handsome boys will be atop chocolate and vanilla cupcakes that are filled with caramel pudding and topped with vanilla bean buttercream.

My husband is to thank for these adorable flags. He designed it in photoshop then printed the boys onto adhesive label paper. I then carefully wrapped them around lollipop sticks. With plenty of extra stickers you can be sure there will be these sweet faces all over the party.

Speaking of cupcakes …

… these are their hats.

Fondant circles in white with fondant legos. I’m doing some mini cupcakes as well.

Their friends will be going home with these beauties …

… boxes of treasure …

… loaded with a pirate finger puppet, coins, tattoos, stamps, an x-ray gummy fish, and candy necklace.

I wanted the party to be reflective of what my boys are excited about these days. Legos and pirates appear throughout. I already anticipate the joy we’ll feel as we stumble upon the images from the party years later. We’ll remember the days of pirates and legos and the uninhibited excitement from the little things like juice boxes and giant gumballs. As I said, we are all really excited.

And she wanted to say hello too.

Have a wonderful weekend!!

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Day 2. Barista

Day 3. Coava

Don’t get me wrong, I love Seattle. We have so many wonderful things to toot a horn about. I mean afterall we are the birthplace of coffee. Kind of. But Portland has stepped up their coffee game – as you may have noticed with these last three posts.

Coava you were my favorite. With your expansive shared space fitted with concrete and bamboo – your sleek modern coat made me swoon. But it was your coffee that made me love you. And while I may not remember what I drank that fluttery delight that rushed through me upon the first slurp I will never forget.

And, Coava, I must thank you. For you are one of the few coffee shops that ALSO has great pastries. Usually you have to trade one for the other but not you. You got both right.

Coava is doing more than just serving coffee from behind the counter. Their site offers several of the their favorite tools for brewing including the Kone filter designed for use with the Chemex and other pour over brewing methods, including Hario. This stainless steel filter was designed as a sustainable alternative to the paper filter while also producing an excellent cup of coffee.

As a lover of the smooth and balanced cup that the Chemex produces the Kone filter is on the short list of coffee equipment I am currently craving.

Dear Coffee, I love you wrote a wonderful review of their visit to Coava.

Thanks for another great trip Portland.

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Next stop Barista.

Classic gray, rainy day in Portland. Perfect for coffee.

It was 9 am so I decided to stick with the coffee.

Look at those two. She wants the Ethiopian beans but he is trying to persuade her to go with Columbian. Guess who wins? Every time?!

Chocolate Macaron, Macchiato, and books. Doesn’t get much better than that.

I had someone ask how we managed to have a food excursion with three kids. Great question. One I asked myself plenty of times prior to this trip.

We fed them lots of cookies!

Seriously though this has been a topic that has been bathed in much discussion. Gabe and I think it is so important to bring our children into our passions and to share with them the things that bring us great joy. Going out for multi-coursed meals that extend into the night beyond bedtime seems nearly impossible during this stage in our lives (at least if I want to stay sane).

Tasting coffee seemed the perfect solution. Each stop is brief and most likely has a treat waiting for them. I don’t mean to say that we bribed our children but it’s more that I want them to have pleasant memories associated with these trips. I don’t want them to just remember that mom and dad were frantically trying to keep the noise level down and constantly shushing them. Although that did happen.

Gabe and I were also pretty realistic in our expectations. In the span of three days we made three stops. This was also a way to keep the over-caffeinated jitters at bay. We were at each location for about 30 minutes and brought plenty of distractions (i.e. books, stickers, lego men, and pacifiers).

When children entered our lives we had many conversations about not not giving up on the things we love just because we had little munchkins running amok. We wanted to include them and expose them to new tastes, new artists and new sites by bringing them out to dinner, going to museums, traveling, etc.

My 23 year old, childless mind could not have possibly been able to understand what life is like three kids 4 and under and just how hard it is to make our dream a reality. But I figure the more we expose them to these sorts of situations the better they will begin to understand and adapt to proper coffee shop behavior – whatever that means. I also maintain realistic expectations of what our kids can handle at the ages they are at. We balanced our coffee tasting time with plenty of opportunities for sword fights with their buddies. Everybody wins!

Barista

Pearl

539 NW 13th Avenue
Portland, Oregon 97209 »

Weekdays from 6am to 6pm
Saturday & Sunday from 7am to 6pm

Alberta

1725 NE Alberta Street
Portland, Oregon 97211 »

Weekdays from 6am to 6pm
Saturday & Sunday from 7am to 6pm

What we ordered:

These are Gabe’s exact notes.

• • Barista (Alberta)
    • doppio macchiato
      • Colombia – Stumptown La Piramide
        • Citrus, choc., molasses
    • doppio macchiato
      • Olympia Roasters
      • Ethiopia Gedeo Worka
      • blueberry (pancakes)
      • green olives

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