“If I had a flower for every time I thought of you… I could walk through my garden forever.”

- Alfred Tennyson

And in this garden of mine we would picnic everyday, as we did the other night. There would always be stiff Manhattans in the flask, sweet strawberry cupcakes in hand and rich chocolate pudding capped with bourbon whipped cream.

You’d pick me a flower just as two more would pop up next to us.

I could live in this ever-growing garden always, as long as you were there with me.

Strawberry Cupcakes
adapted from Look, I made that
makes 16-18 cupcakes

Strawberries are definitely not in season here and yet I needed these cupcakes. I imagine the flavor to be much more strawberry-like if the berries are used were ruby red throughout. I’ll try again in June. But regardless we ate them happily. These we topped with brown sugar buttercream and while delicious we decided that lightly sweetened whipped cream and sliced berry on top would have been wonderful too.

2 1/4 cup flour
1/4 cup cornstarch
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
1/3 cup buttermilk
1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil
1 tea vanilla extract
1/2 vanilla bean (optional)
4 ounces unsalted butter, room temperature
1 1/2 cups sugar
2 large eggs, room temperature, beaten
1 cup pureed strawberries
1/2 teaspoon orange zest
1/4 tea rose water (optional)

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Line two cupcake pans with cupcake papers.
In a medium bowl, whisk together the flour, cornstarch, baking soda, and salt. Set aside. In another medium bowl, combine the buttermilk, oil, and vanilla extract. Set aside.
Combine the vanilla seeds (if using), sugar and butter and beat until well combined. Add the eggs in a slow stream, beating well after each addition. Beat for 1 minute at medium speed. Gradually add the buttermilk mixture and beat for 1 minute at medium speed.
Reduce the speed to low and add the flour mixture. Mix until just combined. Stir in the pureed strawberries and the orange zest.
Spoon into the prepared cake pans and bake until the cupcakes spring back when touched lightly in the center, about 20-25 minutes. Cool slightly before removing from the pan.
Cool completely before frosting.

Brown Sugar Buttercream

4 large egg whites
1 cup packed dark brown sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 cups (3 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

In a heatproof bowl set over (not in) a pan of simmering water, whisk together egg whites, sugar, and salt.

Cook, whisking constantly, until the sugar has dissolved and the mixture is warm to the touch.

Transfer to the clean bowl of an electric mixer. Beat on medium speed until fluffy and cooled, about 15 minutes.

Raise speed to high; beat until stiff peaks form. Reduce speed to medium-low; add butter, 2 to 3 tablespoons at a time, until fully incorporated. Add vanilla and whisk to combine.

Chocolate Pudding
Adapted from Smitten Kitchen
Serves 6
This really is the perfect classic pudding. The creamy texture is reminiscent of the boxed variety I remember and crave. And really, it’s no more difficult to make. Unless you use the instant pack – that’s way too easy and a little odd how it firms up so quickly.
I used dark brown sugar instead of the white which added more richness and depth to the pudding but I imagine white is the more classic choice. I’ll leave it up to your pudding discretion.

1/4 cup cornstarch
1/2 cup sugar (see note)
1/4 teaspoon kosher salt
3 cups whole milk
7 ounces chocolate, coarsely chopped (I used 60% chips)
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

Combine the cornstarch, sugar and salt. Whisk well to remove any lumps.
In a large saucepan bring the milk to a boil to a simmer. Add the sugar and cornstarch mixture and whisk together for one minute, or until thick. Turn off the heat and add the chocolate. Whisk until the chocolate is melted and everything is well combined.
Transfer the pudding to a bowl, or individual bowls, and place wax paper or plastic wrap directly on the surface to prevent a skin from forming.
Refrigerated until cold and set.

Bourbon Whipped Cream

There’s no recipe except to add as much bourbon as you think necessary to a bit of whipped cream. I added nearly 2 tablespoons to about 1 1/2 cups of already whipped cream.

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They say a good friend listens, lends a shoulder to sop up tears, is trustworthy and dependable. Yeah, yeah those are great but this week I’ve seen that a good friend will also schlep a caramel cake from San Francisco to Seattle in her carry-on for the sole purpose of sharing it with you. Now that is a good friend.

I bit into that cake and reveled in its deep caramel flavor. Not one for baked goods that are cloyingly sweet I fell in love with its bitterness and mourned the last bite.

By the next morning I still couldn’t shake the taste. Not knowing yet what to bake but just that I needed to, I turned on the oven. I flipped through a few cookbooks but when the flavor I craved couldn’t be found I hung my head and nearly turned off the now hot oven while trying to rid myself of longing for more caramel cake. In desperation I picked a simple baking book that I admittedly didn’t reserve much hope for. As I scanned the pages the words, “Date Bread” jumped out at me and just like that I was dreaming of dates and caramel together in one tender loaf.

In a pan I swirled flakes of white sugar until it puddled and melted, bubbled and spurted before becoming a pool of a molten deep copper liquid. Smoke rose from the pan and lifted with it a scent of a nearly burnt sugar – my favorite place to bring caramel. Hot water was added and then chopped dates. I held my breath as the cake no longer held any association with the original recipe except that there were dates involved.

The batter was the most unusual and brilliant rust color – the same that stops me as I walk past Fall leaves that have just turned.

I sat by the oven with the light illuminating the cake hoping for lift, for edges that gently pull from the sides and for the bitter caramel to permeate the entire loaf.

“Success!” I declared as I pulled the cake from the oven. While warm I poured more caramel on top which then proceeded to harden and crackle – which was not exactly the plan. We didn’t let the first cake go to waste but the next day more cream was added and butter melted in until a deep glaze filled out the cake beautifully.

Ivy and I eagerly ate a still-warm piece and she too declared it a success by licking her plate and saying, “Dis is yummy, mama!”

We shared with the boys before I wrapped up a little piece for my friend. While I didn’t have to travel to San Francisco and back to share this cake with her I think she still appreciated it all the same.

Salted Caramel Date Loaf

adapted to the point of being unrecognizable from Jim Fobel’s Old-Fashioned Baking Book: Recipes from an American Childhood

 1 cup sugar

1 cup (about 6 ounces) chopped and pitted dates

1 cup hot water

6 tablespoons butter

1 1/2 cups flour

1 teaspoon baking soda

3/4 teaspoon kosher salt

1 large egg

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

For the glaze:

2 tablespoons butter

1/4 cup dark brown sugar

1/4 cup heavy cream

1/4 teaspoon (or so) good sea salt, for finishing

Cake:

Grease an 8 1/2″ x 4 1/2 ” loaf pan and pre-heat your oven to 350*F.

In a medium sauce pan melt the sugar until deeply caramelized and just starting to smoke. The caramel should be deep amber in color and smell sweet with a bit of bitterness. Stir the sugar around gently until it all is melted and caramelized. Turn off the heat and carefully add the water, chopped dates and butter. Stir everything together until well combined. If the caramel hardens just return the pan to low heat until it all melts. Let this mixture sit for 15 minutes.

Add the caramel mixture to a large bowl. To that add the flour, salt and baking soda. Stir until just combined before adding the egg and vanilla extract. Mix well.

Pour the batter into the prepared loaf pan and bake for 45-50 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the middle of the cake comes out clean.

While the cake is still warm and in the pan make the glaze by melting the butter and the brown sugar together in a sauce pan over medium heat. Once the sugar and butter have melted add the cream and stir until combined.

Using a skewer or a toothpick poke holes all over the top of the still-warm loaf. Pour the hot caramel glaze over the top.

Let the glaze settle into the cake for 10 minutes before removing it from the pan and letting it cool on a wire rack.

Top the glazed cake with a sprinkle of sea salt – any nice crunchy salt will do.

As with most cakes this one is best the day after baking.

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Happiness is a Sunday with no plans. An early morning where the first few steps are taken towards the oven in order to pre-heat. And even though Ivy manages to put an entire tub of expensive face product in her hair and the boys spend all afternoon doing everything but cleaning their room, Sunday still delights.

I linger in the kitchen, make plans to read a new book, and mix together a few ingredients to make a simple apple “bread” from a recipe card tucked inside my great-grandmother’s recipe box.

Soon we’ll gather around the table for an early dinner which, unlike weekday dinners, took longer than 20 minutes to prepare. We’ll then head to church then come home to do more of the same. All these things help to ease us into the weekdays. Today we linger. Today we’ll move a bit more slowly and grasp the fading moments of the weekend. Monday brings routine, early mornings and work but we won’t think about that yet. For now Sunday is here, dinner is almost ready and there are a few more slices of grandma’s apple bread. I do so hope your Sunday was as restful as ours.

Chopped Apple Cake
My great grandmother referred to this as apple bread. I love that about her. I also love that nearly ninety percent of her recipes in her box are for baked goods. This cake is wonderfully simple and takes no more time to make than it does your oven to pre-heat. In the future I plan to experiment with some other flours and sugar but this morning I wanted this cake just as grandma enjoyed it.

1 ½ cups flour
¾ teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon kosher salt
½ teaspoon cinnamon
¼ teaspoon nutmeg
¾ cup sugar
¾ cup oil (I used canola and walnut)
2 eggs
½ teaspoon vanilla
2 cups peeled and chopped apples (about 2 medium)

Pre-heat your oven to 350*F. Butter a loaf pan and set aside.

Combine the flour, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, nutmeg, and sugar in a medium bowl. Add the oil, eggs and vanilla and stir until combined. Fold in the apples. Scrape batter into the prepared loaf pan and baked until a toothpick inserted into the middle of the loaf comes out clean, about 60 – 70 minutes.

Let cool 10 minutes before unmolding on to a wire rack. Let cool until just warm then slice.

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My tendency is to live from one project to the next, marking my life with goals, successes and the trying process of reaching those goals. Ambition in and of itself is not bad but what I find is that the constant desire to want something that I don’t yet have robs me of truly enjoying what I have now.

Recently I watched the documentary entitled, Happy. It looks at various cultures around the world and how happy they are. I’m not certain how one can measure happiness but as the images of dancing villagers in a remote tribe, a rickshaw driver in India who has “nothing” by our cultures standards, and a group of older women on a remote Japanese island who gather daily to converse, play games and build intricate origami creations it’s quite easy to see that these people are truly happy.

My first thought when watching the film is that true happiness comes when you concern yourself with the happiness of others. All of these people live in community. They support one another, celebrate with each other and carry one another’s burdens.

When a wave of sadness hits me I tend to analyze my emotions and my life extensively. “Why am I feeling this way? What do I need to change? What can I do to be happier?” Not bad questions but did you notice all those “I’s” in there? I make it all about me. Rarely do I reach out for help and more importantly, rarely do I concern myself with the happiness of others as much as I obsess about my own happiness.

Days after watching the movie and reflecting on my own need to change my attitude and my desire to find more joy in my days I realized that a change in attitude requires more gratitude. It helps that it rhymes.

When expressing gratitude my energy is spent focusing on all the good in my life. Making others happy by thanking them for their presence in my life inevitably fills me with great joy. Taking a moment at the end of a long day to think about what I have to be thankful for today can do nothing but alter my attitude for the better.

A big reason why I’m writing this here is to give myself some accountability. When I write it then I’m more likely to do it or keep doing it. And also I wanted to start the gratitude here with you people.

I’ve said it before but it bares repeating at least a few times a year – thank you. Thank you to those of you who come here and leave here silently. I appreciate you taking the time to stop by and spend some time with me.

Thank you to those of who comment. I’m not very good at responding to comments but that is no reflection as to what they mean to me. I read every single one and I value their affirmation and encouragement more than these mere thanks can express.

Thank you to those who write personal emails. I’m humbled by your generosity and willingness to reach out and encourage me in such an incredibly powerful way.

Your continued support along this journey is often what powers these pages. You are what keeps me coming back here and propels me further.

Thank you is not enough but it’s a start and I feel better for having said it.

Cornmeal Loaf Cake
adapted from Bon Appetit 2006

This hearty cake is perfect for sweet syrupy berries and softly sweet cream. It’s also perfect in the afternoon with a bit of tea or coffee. The crunch of cornmeal and sweetness of honey mark its uniqueness and leave you lingering in the kitchen slowly cutting away at the golden loaf. I find the texture improves after the first day. 

1 cup all purpose flour
1 cup yellow cornmeal
1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature
1 cup sugar
2 tablespoons honey
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
5 large eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Preheat oven to 350°F.
Butter and flour 9x5x3-inch metal loaf pan.
Whisk flour, cornmeal and salt in medium bowl to blend. Using electric mixer, beat butter, sugar and honey a in large bowl until light and fluffy. Add eggs one at a time beating constantly, then beat in vanilla. Scrape down the sides of the bowl the mix again. Add dry ingredients and mix just to combine. Finishing mixing by hand as to ensure everything is well combined.. Transfer batter to prepared pan.
Bake cake until brown on top and tester inserted into center comes out clean, about 1 hour.
Cool cake in pan 15 minutes. Turn cake out onto rack and cool completely.
Can be made 1 day ahead. Wrap well once completely cool and store at room temperature.

Maple Whipped Cream

I don’t care for too sweet whipped cream but if you want more sweetness and more maple flavor feel free to add as much maple syrup as you’d like. I don’t imagine you needed my permission but it’s there no matter.

1 ½ cups heavy cream
2-3 tablespoons maple syrup

Combine the cream and the syrup and whip until soft, billowy peaks form.

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It may have been excessive. Perhaps a bit over the top, but that was sort of what I was going for.

Billowy balloons marked the entrance. Our guests, young and not so young, were greeted by our Lemonade stand offering a variety of cold beverages that refreshed on one of those perfect, late summer afternoons. Through the gate streamers flapped wildly in the warm wind overhead. In the center of it all was a table slathered with red and white striped tablecloth that held a myriad of kid’s dreams.

Still warm cotton candy was served on one side and popcorn on the other. In between it all were jars of jelly beans, ring pops, licorice rope and more. A gumball machine sat proudly upfront with a jar a pennies nestled up close so one would never have to dig through their own pockets.

During the rare moment that a child left that table they found their way towards the face painting area or the designated water gun zone. My sister-in-law provided balloon animals and we all proudly donned pointed party hats and red clown noses.
When the time came to eat something other than candy we headed upstairs. The white and orange striped cake sat in the middle of the long table. Chocolate cupcakes with an abundance of vanilla scented and lightly salted frosting sat next to the cake.

The food could not have been more simple. I supplied buns tucked inside vintage aluminum wrappers, and warm dogs. The guests were given a wide variety of toppings to create the hot dog of their dreams. Conversation buzzed around the table. Each asking for the advice of the other trying to take this opportunity to create the most perfect recipe. There was cream cheese, sharp cheddar spread, pickled peppers, salsa verde, fresh onions, peanut butter (apparently it was quite good), pepper jack cheese, fresh arugula, and of course – ketchup, mustard, relish and mayonnaise. I went with my favorite combination of cream cheese, mustard, pickled peppers, fresh onions and arugula.

On the side there was platter of heirloom tomatoes with blue cheese dressing and nectarines topped with fresh basil, lemon zest, lemon juice and a drizzle of fruity olive oil.

We ate and enjoyed the excitement of the kids buzzing around us. My little birthday girl flitted around in her tutu dress and little painted whiskers on her cheek. Her joy was infectious.

It was a special day filled with more sugar than we see in a year, people we love most in the world, brightly colored signs, and towering cakes. In it all I wanted Ivy and all who were there to feel excessively loved and spoiled.

We’ve since returned back to our normal (with a few pieces of leftover party candy thrown in). A few wilted balloons still hang outside and evidence of the red and white cloth can be found in various corners of the house. I’m not quite ready for it to be over. In the midst of wanting to love on my daughter and my dear family and friends, I was the one who walked away feeling spoiled.

I’ve been reminded lately, quite painfully, that I am an imperfect person who can not be everything to my children. I have and will let them down. I’m sure I have and will inadvertently hurt them. I can not fulfill their every needs. But being their everything is not my job description.

Which is why I cling to those moments where I can bring them great joy and reflect a Love that is so much greater than my own. Sometimes it’s as simple as reading a book, making an odd shaped lego airplane with them or inviting them into the kitchen to help bake a pie. Or sometimes it’s throwing them a party that in my own way tells them they are loved, excessively.

Chocolate Cake
from Gourmet 2010

This is an incredibly simple and delicious chocolate cake. I put a layer of warmed raspberry jam in between the layers as well as the Vanilla Bean Buttercream.
I always find that cakes taste better on the second day, particularly chocolate cake. The time allows for the flavors to mingle and the texture to soften a bit.

1 cup all-purpose flour
1/3 cup unsweetened Dutch-process cocoa powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 stick unsalted butter, softened
1 cup packed light brown sugar
2 large eggs at room temperature 30 minutes
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1 cup whole milk

Pre-heat your overn to 350*
Butter and line a 9×2” pan (or 2 6” rounds) with parchment on the bottom. Butter the parchment as well.

In a bowl whisk together the dry ingredients.
Cream the softened butter and brown sugar until light and fluffly in a stand mixer or by hand. Add the eggs one at a time combining well after each addition. Add the vanilla extract.
Alternate the addition of milk and dry ingredients in three additions. Finish mixing by hand to ensure everything is well combined.
Bake at 350*F for 30-40 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the middle comes out clean.
Let cool in the pan for 5 minutes before cooling on a wire wrack.

Vanilla Bean Buttercream

adapted from MarthaStewart.com

2 1/2 cups sugar
10 large egg whites
4 cups (8 sticks or 2 pounds) unsalted butter, softened
2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
1 vanilla bean
¼ – ½ teaspoon kosher salt

Combine the sugar and egg whites in the bowl of a stand mixer. Place bowl over a simmering pot of water or, if you are brave you can carefully place the bowl directly on a medium-low gas flame. If you go that route just be sure to constantly whisk the eggs and move the bowl so as not to cook the whites.
Using a whisk beat the whites and sugar until the mixture is hot and feels perfectly smooth as the sugar will have dissolved.
Immediately move the bowl to the mixer and begin mixing on medium high. Add the vanilla bean and whip for 10 minutes until the meringue is cool and fluffy.
At this point add the butter about a tablespoon at a time, until all the butter has been incorporated.
There’s a magical point where the buttercream just pulls together. Before that point you may panic and think you have a curdled mess. Don’t give up hope. Just keep mixing and it will come together. Add the salt and taste and adjust as you please. The salt cuts the sweetness nicely but you don’t want so much that it tastes salty. The salt will continue to dissolve as the frosting sits so taste just before frosting the cake or cupcakes and add more at that point if you think it needs it.
Store at room temperature for no longer than a day. Can be refrigerated for up to a week and frozen for a month. Set out a room temperature for several hours. Re-whip if the buttercream has separated.

Tomatoes with Blue Cheese Dressing

Nectarines with Basil and Lemon

Really nothing needs to be done to a perfectly ripe nectarine or peach but if you’re in the mood to add a bit more interest I highly recommend these few ingredients. And it really is more a list of ingredients rather than a recipe as I sort of created in on a whim and failed to measure what I was doing.

4 – 5 ripe nectarines or peaches

1 1/2 tablespoons olive oil

1/2 teaspoon lemon zest

squeeze of fresh lemon juice

2 tablespoons chopped, fresh basil (I threw a bit of Tarragon in there as well as I had an abundance of both in my garden).

Arrange the peaches or nectarines on a platter and top with the remaining ingredients.

Hot Dog Bar

Supply plenty of hot dogs and buns then let your creativity fly. In little dishes near the dogs I arranged:

- mustard

- ketchup

- bbq sauce

- pepper jack cheese

- salsa verde

- sharp cheddar spread

- cream cheese

- Mama Lil’s Pickled peppers

- fresh, diced onion

- arugula

- relish

- peanut butter

Other items I should have included:

- crisped bacon

- caramelized onions

- saurkraut

- kimchi

- whipped cream (just kidding, that’s gross – or is it?)

Sources:

Red/White Striped Tablecloth Roll

Cupcake liners, popcorn bags, straws and hot dog wrappers – Party Delights (Etsy)

Face Paint Sticks

Balloons, Animal Masks, Clown Noses – Display & Costume

Hats – We made them by roughly following this tutorial.

Cake inspiration 

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